Communication in a Remote Work Setting
April 24, 2020
Much of the communication in a remote setting is written. This is both an opportunity and a challenge, as written communication can lead to many misfires and misunderstandings. Here’s some guidance to avoid potential pitfalls and improve your relationship with other Enneagram types, especially when working remote.
General Recommendations
- The vast majority of communication is body language and tone, both of which are missing in purely written communication. For this reason, it’s important to use video conferencing whenever possible (phone as a distant second). When it’s not possible, be very cognizant of the important nuances detailed below.
- If it feels tense or there are many back-and-forth exchanges, pick up the phone or hop on a video conference.
- In a team environment, discuss how you’ve been communicating so far and how you can refine/clarify agreements. Topics to cover include:
- What do we use each mode of communication for? How is that working for us so far?
- What are our “working hours”?
- How fast do we expect each other to respond?
- What meetings will we continue to have? How do we make them as efficient as possible?
- How will we continue to connect on a personal level? (E.g., establishing a Zoom room for social lunches / happy hour)
- Communication etiquette (e.g. mute when the dog is barking, not walking around with your computer)
Select an Enneagram Type
to view pointers on communicating if you ARE that type or if you're communicating WITH that type
Type 1: The Reformer
Principled, ethical, self-controlled, & perfectionistic
If you ARE a One...
- Be mindful of tone, especially in written communication. You can come across as short and impatient in emails, so be sure to add something to warm it up. In an email, even a closing like “All the best” or “Best regards” helps. Even though they’re not perfect, emojis can also clarify intent.
- Catch yourself getting frustrated when people don’t respond as they “should” (as quickly as they should, as thoroughly as they should, etc.) Be mindful of your “should”s – they’re not “objectively correct” and they’re an energy drain.
- Be intentional about surfacing and discussing shared expectations around communication, rather than expecting people to read your mind.
- Catch yourself overly refining your written communication (such as spending an hour writing a one-paragraph email). It’s not the highest and best use of your time.
If you're communicating WITH a One...
- Be aware that Ones are sensitive and can easily perceive communication as critical. Express your understanding of their positive intentions. (They intend to make things better and to do a great job.)
- Have a conversation to establish mutual expectations about responsiveness, working hours, depth, format, and any other standards that either party might think go without saying.
- Avoid wasting their time by asking them for things they’ve already provided – especially over email. They likely hold an expectation that you “should” be organized enough to keep track of things, and they’ll almost certainly be frustrated if you don’t.
- Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and all the basics. Ones have meticulous attention to detail and may lose respect or have a judgment if you miss basic conventions.
Type 2: The Helper
Caring, warm, attentive, & people-pleasing
If you ARE a Two...
- Your natural tendency is to open with personal conversation. Be aware that while this relationship building is valuable, other personality types often want to move past it quickly. Stretch to meet them on that, and don’t take it personally.
- Catch yourself spending too much time making it sound “nice” or trying to please the other person. Be direct.
- Regarding responsiveness, have boundaries on your work times. Especially in a remote environment, it’s easy to overcommit and sign yourself up to work unsustainable hours. Watch out for self-sacrificing and not taking care of yourself when the lines between work and home are blurred.
- Notice when you’re “reading into” the tone of written messages, trying to discern whether the other person likes you. Most people don’t spend the time to “friendly things up.”
If you're communicating WITH a Two...
- Open with a personable question (e.g. “How are you doing?” or “How was your weekend?”) Twos care very much about personal relationships and will appreciate that you care enough to ask.
- Intentionally warm up your emails/texts and be nice. It’s easy to come across as uncaring, unempathetic, or not valuing the relationship. A few words can make all the difference.
- Send a “thank you” email when they do something for you. Provide details and be specific about what you appreciate; a simple “thank you” or “great job” doesn’t mean very much.
- As a general rule, Twos will have a strong affirmative preference for video or phone over written communication, as these modes are more connecting.
Type 3: The Achiever
Motivated, hard-working, adaptable, & image-conscious
If you ARE a Three...
- Slow down to build the personal relationship – even if it’s just a quick “How are you doing?” Many types perceive jumping right into the conversation as brusque.
- While you’re focused on a goal, you may neglect to stay on top of responding to other people’s messages if they don’t seem to be relevant to the goal you’re currently pursuing. Be aware that this sends a message that the other person is not important.
- Make sure you’re straight with people about what’s not going well, in addition to what is going well. This is important in written communication because it’s honest, it builds trust, and it helps with tracking progress.
- Pick up the phone if you want to have a quick resolution to a conversation or question, and follow up in writing to document the decision or outcome.
If you're communicating WITH a Three...
- Threes like numbers, goals, and metrics. Be sure you address these wherever possible and use email to document them.
- Be succinct. Threes are very busy people, and they have a lot to get done. They appreciate concise communication. Don’t spend a ton of time on pleasantries or what they might perceive as “chit-chatting.” They’re task-oriented and want to talk tactics. Don’t take it personally.
- Threes thrive on feedback – both constructive and reinforcing. It’s best to provide feedback by video or phone, and follow up in writing (with specifics). Most people have a folder of “cheers” and recognition, and it means a lot.
- Threes focus primarily on the goal and what’s being done to keep things on track to achieve it. Communicate the status of action items and any other relevant details in a documented format.
Type 4: The Individualist
Introspective, creative, imaginative, & sensitive
If you ARE a Four...
- Notice a tendency to over-explain your thought process in an attempt to make yourself really understood. Challenge yourself to be succinct and unattached to whether the other person validates your thinking.
- When you receive messages that you interpret to be highly transactional or “shallow,” recognize that other people may simply be moving more quickly than you. If you feel dismissed or rejected for your unique thought process, remember that it’s not personal.
- Catch yourself spending time trying to put your own spin on things to be seen for your unique contribution. When appropriate, keep messages transactional in the interest of efficiency.
- When there’s a visual component to your communication (such as a PowerPoint or graphic), notice when you’re distracting yourself by spending too much time and energy making it aesthetically appealing.
If you're communicating WITH a Four...
- Take the time to express your understanding of the complexities of the situation – including both the “What” and the “Why.” Fours want to think about things deeply, and this is often lost in written communication.
- Validate their thought process. This doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing, but it’s important to reflect what you understand about their thinking and to express what you do agree with (this will move the conversation along more quickly). Watch out for saying “Yes, but…” as it sounds dismissive.
- Recognize and appreciate their unique contribution and perspective – with specifics. Fours want to be valued for their ability to think outside the box.
- Fours often experience written communication as “too business-y” and cold. Slow down to express genuine interest in them, including asking how they’re doing.
Type 5: The Investigator
Cerebral, objective, rational, & detached
If you ARE a Five...
- Bottom-line it first (e.g. “Here is the conclusion to my thought process”) and then provide supporting details if appropriate. People are often more interested in your recommendations than they are in the analysis.
- Be mindful of tone; your logical approach could feel terse, or even dismissive, to others.
- It’s important to be responsive, even if you can’t answer immediately. When you receive a request for information, acknowledge receipt and provide an estimate for when you can respond.
- Challenge yourself to engage with people in a more personal way. While you may prefer written communication for its precision, efficiency, and trackability (and to keep people at a distance!) there are downfalls to avoiding more connecting modes of communication (e.g. phone and video).
If you're communicating WITH a Five...
- Be aware that most Fives prefer written communication because it protects their mental space. Honor that need and engage with them over email as much as possible, unless there’s a real reason why you need to speak with them.
- Fives often receive people initiating communication with them as an interruption or a demand. Be cognizant that texts, instant messages, and phone calls feel particularly intrusive and disruptive to their thought process.
- Because Fives like to do their homework, give them time to respond. Explicitly state when you need to hear back and give them as much time as you can to provide an answer.
- If you’re going to ask for a phone call or video conference, give them time to prepare. They don’t like surprises.
Type 6: The Loyalist
Trustworthy, reliable, problem-solving, & anxious
If you ARE a Six...
- Start with your conclusion, then explain why – succinctly. Your natural inclination might be to “think out loud” on paper or over-explain to show that you’ve given the matter a lot of thought. After you’ve given a recommendation, detail the top three options you considered and clearly identify the pros and cons of each.
- Catch yourself procrastinating until you have “enough” time to respond in sufficient detail or with a recommendation. At the very least, acknowledge receipt and let the sender know when you’ll be able to respond more thoroughly.
- You likely tend to ask many questions when thinking something through. Re-read the messages you’ve composed and turn questions into statements wherever possible.
- Be mindful of the tone with which others may read your written messages. Especially if you’re identifying potential issues, risks, and obstacles, it may be interpreted as pessimistic or negative.
If you're communicating WITH a Six...
- Sixes are the best at spotting potential issues and obstacles. When you receive a written message that includes that perspective, catch yourself interpreting the tone as negative or pessimistic and appreciate their positive intention.
- If they’re asking a lot of questions, switch from email/text to video/phone to talk things through and then follow up in writing. This is an efficient way of addressing questions and establishing mutual understanding.
- When Sixes raise potential issues or roadblocks, validate their concerns sincerely and be willing to have a verbal conversation about the risks. Ignoring or dismissing their concerns frustrates them and causes them to hyper-focus on the unaddressed issues.
- Remember that Sixes care a lot about trust and reliability. When you’re responsive to them, it reassures them that they can count on you and that you have their back.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Fun-loving, excitable, energetic, & scattered
If you ARE a Seven...
- Notice a tendency to move too quickly when composing messages. Take time to organize your thoughts, add structure, and edit what you’ve written to balance brevity and thoroughness.
- Catch yourself seeking distraction or stimulation by sending unnecessary emails or texts; carve out focused time and put your phone and computer on “Do Not Disturb.”
- Because you like to get things off your plate, you may have an inclination to overwhelm people with many emails at once or to send messages outside business hours. Recognize the impact this has on the other person’s ability to focus. When possible, consolidate related emails for efficiency.
- Don’t expect people to be able to switch context as rapidly as you do; they may need time to finish the task they’re working on before they can respond.
If you're communicating WITH a Seven...
- Sevens like to “cut to the chase” so they can keep moving. They don’t like detailed explanations, unless they ask for one. They’ll appreciate it if you bottom-line it for them up front.
- If Sevens are relying on a piece of information to move forward, it breaks their momentum and is very frustrating for them when they can’t get it. Respond quickly when you can.
- Sevens are naturally upbeat and positive, and like it when others meet their uplifting energy. Bring in fun, cheerful, or humorous elements when appropriate.
- Use written communication with Sevens to provide structure and support follow-through. For example, send a follow-up email after meetings to document priorities, action items, accountabilities, and agreements.
Type 8: The Challenger
Action-oriented, direct, bold, & controlling
If you ARE an Eight...
- Slow down, both on the receiving end and the sending end. When you get a message, make sure you’ve understood the other person’s point before drafting a response. When you’re sending a message, take the time to review it to see how it sounds and intentionally make it more diplomatic.
- If you feel triggered to anger by a message you’ve received, don’t send a response right away. Draft a message, then take a break from it. Come back to it with a cooler head – you can’t take things back after you send them!
- “Friendly” things up a bit. While your tendency may be to skip salutations/niceties, other people value these relationship-building conventions.
- Be mindful of how your messages affect other people. Because of your intensity and directness, they can easily be interpreted as harsh (especially in written format) and can be a productivity-sapping grenade in the other person’s day.
If you're communicating WITH an Eight...
- Remember that Eights are moving fast and are extremely direct. Most of the time, they don’t intend for their communications to sound harsh. Don’t take it personally, and don’t waste cycles or energy reading too much into it.
- Recognize that most Eights dispense with the “niceties” (such as salutations, closings, and emojis). They may also view phrases like “I hope you’re doing well” as not very meaningful and a waste of time. Again, don’t take it personally.
- When sending messages to Eights, keep it brief and to the point. Lead with your conclusion, back it up with facts, and be prepared for them to push back. Be mindful of over-explaining and don’t sugarcoat things. Be straight with them.
- Eights move with a lot of momentum and prefer quick responses so they can keep moving. Even if you don’t have all the answers yet, get back to them as quickly as you can.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
Easy-going, empathetic, accommodating, & indirect
If you ARE a Nine...
- Catch yourself spending too much time refining your messages to avoid any possible misinterpretation on the other person’s end – particularly if you think it might make the other person upset. Don’t agonize over it. Just hit send – it’ll be okay.
- You may feel anxious when you send a message and don’t hear back for a while. Recognize your story that the silence means the other person is upset or angry and let it go.
- Notice a tendency to make your messages too “nice.” Take a final pass to remove apologies, cut down on exclamation points and smiley faces, and rephrase things to be as direct as possible. It’s ok to have a friendly tone – just don’t overdo it.
- Practice turning email responses around more quickly. You may have an inner dialogue that responding will be “hard” or take a lot of time. Ironically, you may spend more time/energy putting it off than it would take to complete the task.
If you're communicating WITH a Nine...
- Be aware that Nines often believe others might be unhappy or angry, even if they’re not. In written communication, the absence of tone of voice and body language makes it hard for them to read other people the way they normally do. Very brief messages can make them feel anxious about whether you’re upset.
- Take the time to add a note of warmth and friendliness. This means a lot to Nines and puts them at ease.
- Nines generally take their time to respond (often overnight). If you need a quick response, let them know that (perhaps even in the subject line). They’ll want to know, because they don’t want to disappoint others – so make this expectation clear.
- Recognize that Nines often interpret a lack of response as you being upset with them. Even if you don’t have time for a long reply, acknowledge that you’ve received their message and let them know when you’ll be able to respond.
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